I had no idea I would never see him again.
Everyday we wake up, we go through our routines.
We go to school, to work, drive around, hang out with friends, and of course our phones chime with text messages. As a person who currently has over 140 unread iMessages. I admit I’m sometimes so busy and caught up in my day that I forget to respond to the person, or decide that a response can wait.
On Saturday October 1, 2011 I received a text from a good friend of three years that read:
“I enjoy spending time with you, and I wonder if this could ever be more. I really like you a lot.”
We talked to each other often and saw each other throughout the week while at work or just on campus. I read this message and was surprised by it because the entire time I had no clue that he had felt this way, I needed time to think about how I wanted to respond to that because I had never really thought about it and I didn’t want to ruin a good friendship if things didn’t work out.
Sunday came and then Monday and I still didn’t know what to say. On Tuesday October 4, 2011 I received a text message from my cousin that Shane suddenly died playing basketball at the campus recreation center.
I thought “No way he just wrote me the other day and I saw him driving around campus in the security van.” I went onto his Facebook page and saw all the wall post “R.I.P Shane.” over and over again. Immediately my heart sank to the floor, so many things ran through my head How did he die? He was so young. I never got to respond to him…
That night as I tossed and turned in my bed I wrote Shane back, I knew he would never see it but I wrote him back to tell him exactly how I felt and I never really knew how much I cared about him until he wasn’t around anymore. During the first week after he passed I was a complete emotional wreck. I couldn’t attend class because someone would always speak about it and that made me sad all over again. It was even hard going to work because that was the last place I saw him in person, and every time a campus security car rides into the parking lot near my job, I long for him to step out of it and walk across the lot and into my office with a smile on his face.
Shane had such a kind spirit, he left a great impression with all those he came in contact with. He was taken away from us by the very thing we all loved him for- a enlarged heart. Shane had such a great impact on my life and even though only for a short while I am glad to have known him, call him a friend and to have shared the memories that we did. There will never be a day that goes by that I won’t think of him. As I healed, I wrote an elegy to him. Here is my favorite part of it:
“I’ll always remember you how I saw you last
Crooked smile, broad shouldered, in your security uniform
Hugging me saying,
‘l’ll see you soon.”